Sirena's Scenes: The Revolution Will Not Issue Refunds
Act I, Scene 5 + The Era of the “Business Idiot”
These dispatches are part of a “Sirena’s Scenes,” a special BQE section with installments of our slacker film script accompanied by interesting pieces of antiwork-adjacent content.
Hi there! It’s been a minute. I’ve kept rewriting Sirena even while neglecting to post the scenes, which means these installments are still near the end of Act I while the draft itself is now much farther along. The good news: I can now talk about these scenes with a clearer sense of where the story is going.
If you want to refresh your memory, review the story so far here.
Let’s get into it!
THE SCENE
Ext. Feel-Good Creamery and Cafe
SIRENA and GRIZZIE approach a cafe storefront. It’s practically vibrating with optimism—rainbow flags, a handwritten sign reading “All Love, All Flavors”, and a mural of smiling pastries high-fiving.
Grizzie trudges, eyes a little droopy.
SIRENA You alright?
GRIZZIE Huh? (blinks) Yea. Just stayed up a bit late doing homework.
SIRENA You seem to stay up a lot late doing homework.
A bike bell rings.
PACO Coming through!
PACO, early 20s, Latino, zips past on a beat-up bike and hops off in front of them.
GRIZZIE Why are you rushing? We don’t start for 10 minutes.
PACO Early is on time, on time is late!
Grizzie groans. Paco notices Sirena.
PACO I’m Paco.
SIRENA Sirena.
Paco repeats it, a little dazed.
PACO Sirena...
Beat. Grizzie cuts the weirdness.
GRIZZIE Paco works here too.
PACO I look forward to achieving great things together.
Sirena squints at him. Yikes.
INT. Feel-Good Creamery and Cafe
The café is aggressively wholesome: pastel walls, decorative bunting made from old protest signs, and jars of rainbow-colored candy lined up like soldiers.
ANDY--40s, unrelenting cheerleader energy--mans the counter with a gameshow host smile.
Sirena wipes down a coffee machine with awkward, surly energy.
She looks sideways at a PHOTOGRAPHER--a woman with a leather jacket, trendy glasses, and a friendly disposition--who snaps pictures of her.
PHOTOGRAPHER Don’t mind me, I’m not even here. Zoe wants these candid. You’re just a migrant achiever, totally lost in her work.
Sirena sighs, looks down. Grizzie, arranging pastries, watches from a distance, rubbing her eyes.
ANDY I still say it was a great idea getting you started here. Tells an inspiring story—your journey up to corporate.
Sirena gives him a flat, sarcastic smile.
A RINGING BELL signals a customer.
ANDY Welcome to Feel-Good! Every bite is a revolution!
A male CUSTOMER in a bucket hat steps up.
Paco appears from the back with a notebook, eager to absorb.
ANDY We’re a majority LGBTQ-and-BIPOC-powered café where every pastry supports a cause. We pride ourselves on giving opportunities and mentoring to underserved youth.
He waves Sirena over.
ANDY Like our newest revolutionary here: Sirenita!
Sirena forces a smile, shuffles behind him. The photographer drifts closer, snapping.
ANDY Our newest arrival to Feel-Good, AND to America.
CUSTOMER Wow, really?
Andy leans toward him, conspiratorial.
ANDY Saved from the Rio Grande!
Sirena shoots him a death glare.
CUSTOMER That’s great. Uh, one choco-justice cake-sickle, please.
ANDY Excellent choice. Those support farmers from...
He pauses for dramatic effect, looking at Sirena.
ANDY From?
SIRENA Er...
Grizzie sees her floundering. She snaps out of her fatigue and jumps in.
GRIZZIE Ecuador?
Andy claps.
ANDY Ecuador! Fair trade, naturally.
He chuckles, gesturing to Sirena as she reaches for the pastry.
ANDY She’s still new. Bit of a language barrier too, probably.
Sirena stops mid-reach, visibly annoyed, about to say something.
GRIZZIE I got it.
Grizzie snags a cake-sickle and hands it to the customer, smiling.
He takes a bite. Melted chocolate drips onto his hand. He looks horrified.
CUSTOMER You should let people know these melt fast.
Andy grabs napkins, rattled.
GRIZZIE I, uh... (she rubs her eyes) I’m sorry, I grabbed one that wasn’t chilled.
CUSTOMER You should warn people! This is a hazard. What if I was wearing white?
Grizzie scrambles back to the counter.
GRIZZIE I’ll get you a new one.
CUSTOMER I demand a refund.
Beat. Sirena watches: Grizzie tired and apologizing, Andy panicking, the “ALL LOVE” sign behind them.
She snaps.
SIRENA (loud) A refund?
The café goes quiet. The only sound is the photographer’s camera clicking.
SIRENA You ate half of it.
GRIZZIE Sirena, it’s fine. I’ll--
SIRENA Does it taste good?
CUSTOMER Huh? I mean, yea, but--
SIRENA Then why let a little mess ruin it? Stuff it in your gullet and take the win.
Andy and Paco stare, stunned. Grizzie can’t help a tiny smirk--which she guiltily hides behind her hand.
Sirena gestures to the photographer.
SIRENA Get this. Another happy customer.
CUSTOMER (softly) I don’t think your tone reflects the values on your wall.
Sirena grins for the camera next to him. The photographer, torn, clicks.
Sirena notices a rainbow jar with individually wrapped candies, and pockets a couple.
Grizzie’s smirk dies when she sees Andy giving her a “control your friend” look.
INT. Feel-Good Creamery and Cafe -- Backroom
A cramped stockroom. Brown workers break down cardboard, stock shelves in quiet rhythm.
Sirena leans against a stack of crates, arms crossed. Paco works nearby, stealing glances.
Andy faces, now less cheerleader, more tired manager.
ANDY This isn’t quite what Zoe envisioned for you.
He gestures around the room.
ANDY Think of this as a...temporary reset. You’ll be part of the story, from behind the scenes for now.
He almost believes this next part as he snaps back into cheerleader mode.
ANDY But soon you’ll burst back into your leading role, better than ever!
Beat.
SIRENA Same wage, less customers. Works for me.
Andy sighs, heads back to the front.
Grizzie slips in a bit later.
GRIZZIE What the hell was that?
SIRENA You’re welcome for standing up for you.
She tosses Grizzie one of the candies she previously took for the jar. Grizzie stares at it, stunned.
GRIZZIE There was nothing to stand up for. Now I have to explain to my mom why you’re in the back.
SIRENA You mean where I don’t have to do a stupid song and dance? You’d rather be out there?
GRIZZIE It’s not a song and dance...it’s learning how to anticipate people’s needs.
SIRENA He needed a dose of shut up. I know you liked it. I saw you.
Grizzie stiffens.
GRIZZIE Not true. And from now on, worry about your own job, not being my little savior!
She tosses the candy back at Sirena and storms out.
Sirena shrugs and unwraps the candy as Paco steps up.
PACO Reassigned already?
SIRENA (candy in mouth) I was hoping to get fired.
Paco looks at her in amazement.
Sirena, weirded out, grabs a box and heads deeper into shelves.
INT. Feel-Good Creamery and Cafe. Later.
Zoe stands near the register with the photographer, looking over a spread of photos on the counter.
PHOTOGRAPHER These are the usable ones from today.
Zoe flips through the pictures. Sirena is either scowling, lounging, or both in all of them.
ZOE Did you get any where she looks happy? Or at least not derelict?
PHOTOGRAPHER (carefully) We haven’t been able to draw out her fire quite yet.
Paco edges closer, curious.
PACO She’s smiling in this one.
He points to one of Sirena cheesing next to the shell-shocked customer.
Andy, hovering nearby sheepishly, grimaces.
ZOE Not one usable win-face. (Sighs) We have years of enabling to undo.
She turns to face Grizzie and Paco fully.
ZOE Why did I hear about this meltdown from Andy and not from her mentor?
GRIZZIE Why is it my fault if she doesn’t get her act together?
ZOE That’s not what a leader would say.
Grizzie stares at her, exhausted, almost pleading.
GRIZZIE I already have so much going on, Mom.
Zoe softens for a second, then snaps back into coach mode.
ZOE That’s no excuse. You sink or swim as a team. It’s your duty to pull others up and help them do their best.
She looks between Grizzie and Paco.
ZOE You are leaders, right?
PACO No doubt.
Grizzie takes a deep breath.
GRIZZIE OK. You’re right. We’ll talk to her.
Zoe smiles.
ZOE I know you’re tired.
She gives her daughter a kiss on the forehead.
ZOE That’s a sign you’re doing good work. Dig deep.
Grizzie opens her mouth to speak for a sec, then nods.
SCENE NOTES
This sequence tickles me: Sirena telling off the customer while her boss panics has been one of my favorite moments in the story from the start. It brings me back to high school, when I was free and stupid enough to treat customers and bosses like that.
Is “gullet” a word that a new migrant with relatively limited exposure to English would use? I don’t care. It’s hilarious.
This is also where we meet Paco, who I thought about cutting but love too much.
In earlier drafts, Paco played a much more central role in driving the story, and was emotionally heavier as a “romantic foil” to Sirena’s plans.
I realized, however, that having four very consequential characters in the story is pushing it, so in this draft I attempt to flatten him down a bit to more of a pure, endearing, comic relief type of guy (while still keeping a little bit of his substance)
His main role, and why I want to keep him so bad, is that he’s where Sirena brushes up against naive, “well-meaning” but domineering male expectations. The challenge will be to deliver this without having him bog the story down.
I also love Paco because he represents that uncritical “aw shucks” striver so that mainstream workhumping films love to glorify. I enjoy when films that break with a genre cast a character to represent old conventions of the genre, and proceed to humiliate and/or lampoon and/or kill that character. I only plan to do one of these.
Another change is the insertion of Zoe’s PR photographer and making Zoe overall a more active and controlling presence in the café–Nutrivance owns it, after all.
In past drafts she didn’t involve herself with Sirena’s experience in the café, which felt dissonant given that she was so invested in Sirena. Tying this more closely to her Migrant Achievers program feels right.
When I wrote the first draft of this (2023-24), lampooning the fake performative inclusiveness of the cafe felt correct and fun. Now it feels a bit less fun, like piling on in a time when everyone’s terrified of acting half-decent to others. But it still feels correct.
When the pendulum swings back to where forward-looking society is trendy again (and I promise you it will), we shouldn’t allow corporations to go back to that bastardized parody of fake inclusivity meant to sweeten the timeless crushing of their own workers. The lampooning remains.
Another improved element is that Grizzie, instead of being down for Sirena’s antics from the get go, resists them.
It gives her a little more texture, feels more plausible given that she’s been raised by Zoe, and makes her eventual turn to a “revolutionary” more meaningful.
Antiwork reading of the week: “Business idiots” and their perfect AI match
Ed Zitron’s “The Era of the Business Idiot” was cathartic for me, as it gives a name and an archetype to a type of person that has littered my career everywhere I go and who, according to him, has completely taken over running most American businesses.
It’s a great companion piece to today’s scene, with its symbolic corporate performance of virtue, care, and PR-able mentorship.
And when you realize that this managerial class is defined by not understanding the work itself, just a performing an understanding of it–well, it’s no surprise that they’re so infatuated with generative AI.
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Brilliant, L. Vago! All of it!