L Vago -- love this story and the early outline. Couple thoughts to surely discard:
-- I really like the idea of a spurned mentor. We often hear of would-be mentors not agreeing to mentor some wanna-be up and comer. Turning that table on the dynamics of that relationship sounds cool to pursue. Your note seemed to focus (or potentially) focus on the identity dimensions of that relationship. But what if it's simply not the right fit, personality method, for Sirena?
-- You mention "Sirena's flippant attitude is not realistic for someone in her situation." But what if he attitude isn't flippant, but grounded and principled? What if she has deeply held beliefs about what a good life is, rather than being flippant?
Again, I love the storyline and where you are headed. Cant wait for the next update!
Russell, I so appreciate you reading through it and giving your feedback!
I think your point on Sirena's attitude is spot on, and in line with some other feedback I've gotten. In order for our intentions not to be misrepresented (and also because I think it'll makes her more of an interesting character) I've got to dig deep and journal and research a bit on what are her values and principles, and lead with that.
The possibility that Zoe is simply not a fit for Sirena is an interesting one. I'm gonna try to exhaust a couple tries of having there be an identity dimension, just because I think it's an opportunity to explore some of the tensions and class prejudices/disconnects that occur within US Latinos themselves, something that in the spirit of presenting a "unified front" often get papered over. But if that feels too forced, I think your angle is a great one to explore as an alternate.
Again, I so appreciate the gift of your attention and feedback!
L Vago -- love this story and the early outline. Couple thoughts to surely discard:
-- I really like the idea of a spurned mentor. We often hear of would-be mentors not agreeing to mentor some wanna-be up and comer. Turning that table on the dynamics of that relationship sounds cool to pursue. Your note seemed to focus (or potentially) focus on the identity dimensions of that relationship. But what if it's simply not the right fit, personality method, for Sirena?
-- You mention "Sirena's flippant attitude is not realistic for someone in her situation." But what if he attitude isn't flippant, but grounded and principled? What if she has deeply held beliefs about what a good life is, rather than being flippant?
Again, I love the storyline and where you are headed. Cant wait for the next update!
Russell, I so appreciate you reading through it and giving your feedback!
I think your point on Sirena's attitude is spot on, and in line with some other feedback I've gotten. In order for our intentions not to be misrepresented (and also because I think it'll makes her more of an interesting character) I've got to dig deep and journal and research a bit on what are her values and principles, and lead with that.
The possibility that Zoe is simply not a fit for Sirena is an interesting one. I'm gonna try to exhaust a couple tries of having there be an identity dimension, just because I think it's an opportunity to explore some of the tensions and class prejudices/disconnects that occur within US Latinos themselves, something that in the spirit of presenting a "unified front" often get papered over. But if that feels too forced, I think your angle is a great one to explore as an alternate.
Again, I so appreciate the gift of your attention and feedback!